I hate how I react,

to things. I wish I didn't get so quiet when someone said something to me. I try really hard to be nice to everyone. Nothing happened today but in the past, people have tried to give me compliments and sometimes I didn't believe them so I would just look at them all weird and say, "Thanks..." and then smile a little. I hope it didn't make me look like a bitch. I always worry that I'm looking at someone weird so I try to smile to show that I really am nice and that I don't have anything against them because I'm not that type of person. It's rather irritating and I wish I could just RELAX. Since I'm so quiet, I'm sure they think I'm weird or something!!! Ugh, so frustrating.

Feedback.

How do you hear feedback differently from friends, family or teachers? Where did you learn your response to constructive criticism or compliments, for that matter?

With family, if they tell me something I know that for the most part they're being honest. They know me the best. Then when it comes to friends, I might not always believe them because they could easily be lying to just try and be a really good friend or because they might not really care but I only really like getting opinions and feedback from my best friends so hopefully they're being honest with me! I learned it from my mother. I'm a very highly sensitive person (it's an actual name..not just a normal every day 'sensitive person' so don't mix them up) and I seem to take things a lot harder than normal people would. I've also learned from friends and family as to how I should be taking things that people say to heart.

Weight.

What's the message to this rant or point? How do you feel about body image in our culture? How has weight impacted your life or thinking? How important to you is size?

Well I'm not really sure what your message was..but I feel that people judge wayyyyy too much in this culture about how you should look. It really disgusts me. I hate it so much and I wish I could be comfortable with myself but I'm honestly not. I can't wear shorts because I feel too uncomfortable and I don't like to eat in front of guys I like which is even more stupid. I mean come on, what if we didn't have any of that then we probably wouldn't have such a thing called an Eating Disorder unless a small percentage of girls still felt the way they did. I obsess over food and I don't like it. I obsess about how much I've eaten, how much weight I lose, gain, keep. It got to the point of where I would just cry because I didn't want to eat. I don't want to be scared of food. I want to love it but I don't want it to control my life. Size to me in a way is important but it's not important at all to another part of me. Like for me, I don't want to get past a size 9 because that's what I'm at right now but another side of me is like WHO CARES, being way under that is just gross for your body (not for others who are naturally skinny). So I kind of have little arguments with myself, am I crazy? Maybe..

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was honestly like another day for me. I had to work too but then I ended up being sick like I said in my previous blog. But I went out to eat with my step dad, Malayna (my other best friend), mom and Eric (my brother). It really sucked :(, being sick and all so it was not a day that I will look back on and be happy about.

CATCHING UP :)

Wow, this is ridiculous as to how many days I've missed! I hate missing this many days. I really hope I get some type of credit for the amount of days I missed although I don't blame the teachers if they decide not to because I've been sick too much and a little lazy. I haven't skipped days though ever due to me not wanting to go to school. I always have a valid reason. So anyway, I'm really excited about tomorrow, whether Tyler goes or not and I say that because I'll get to see him either way! Why do you have to live so far away Tyler? Because you're a meany head:). Well if Tyler does come to prom then I have to get his flower asap >_<. I got Jessie's yesterday along with mine and it was $20 :O. It was crazyyy. I wasn't going to pay for mine, of course, but she didn't have money until Friday and I decided it'd be better to pay for it now. I might go in today to order Tyler's flower if I can. I have to work at 5 though and I'm not sure what he is wanting to do.

So I'm going to Tania and Jessie's tomorrow to get ready and I'm pretty excited for that :). I love getting all dressed up with my girls. You know how that all is C:.

As for me being sick, I got a sore throat and began to feel the flu like symptoms take over my body the minute I woke up. I tried going into work and 43 minutes into doing my job, I threw up in the boys bathroom (doing maintanence) and some guy walks in even though there is a freaking sign outside of the door that says they can't come in and he says, "Oh, sorry." and walks out. I continue throwing up (lol sorry if this is TMI) and some other guy comes in like 20 seconds like (SIGN, DUHHH!) and I wave my hand at him to get out because I can't talk due to my throat burning. He tells me, "OH, don't mind me! I'll be out of your way!" He must of thought I was some guy or something???! So I flushed the toilet and ran out to the girls bathroom and yeah. I'm not even going to get into detail again because it's unnecessary, ha ha. So I go home and from there I was sick with the flu and BAD sore throat until Monday and the strep takes over for the flu (how sweet :]) and yeah..that's pretty much why I was gone for so long. Ugh, I hate being sick. I literally lost like 4 or 5 lbs due to not eating anything at all and when I did eat, my body wasn't used to so much food so it made me feel extremely sick.

But then last night I made some YUMMY Tuna Salad and it was soooo good so I ate too much and felt sick again. Tuna Salad is soooo good, it's one of my fav's. I forgot that I was going to bring it today :\ ugh, what was I thinking?? I'm freaking hungry.
Luckily I brought $2 :).

I shall go though and catch up on work, geez. Byeee.