Indeed. How about this? What freedom is there in anonymity? What release do you think those individuals might have felt in sending those messages? Is it possible that having to resort to anonymity makes you feel even more trapped and isolated?
There is quite a bit of freedom in anonymity. It gives them a lot of release because they feel like they are talking to someone because people can respond to those diaries/blogs if they have something to say. Like for me, I like staying anonymous because they don't know who I am but I can still talk to someone for support and they don't know me personally so they can't judge me at all. They can only help me with what I need help with. It's really rather hard to explain.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Not sure what is right and what is wrong
I really scare myself sometimes. I do things that I know are bad for me but I do it anyway because one part of me just doesn't care. I wish I could say but I know you all are able to see this so I can't..but I don't really care right now. I know I should have more but I am scared to. I want to get help but I can't right now. I just don't want to get into all too much before it's too late. I suppose it's never too late though...
Yesterday before work I got all of the things together that I wanted to sell and priced them. I still have to grab the last load of clothes I have and put them into the garbage bag I have. Tonight I have to go to my dad's early and I know you won't be happy about that Becky, but it's the only way I can get down there is by leaving tonight. I need to get away from here anyway and take my mind off of it all. I won't be able to talk to Dan for 3 days and it'll definitely be hard but I'll manage. I have my friend and family to talk to when I get there :D. After school I'm finishing up the clothes and going to pack, then I go to work until 10 and leave right after that to my dad's. About over an hour's worth of driving so I might have to bring my iPod. I'm starting to get sick of some of the songs though :\. I hope I make some money. I remember from about one year ago or so, a friend of my step mom brought over a cage full of baby bunnies. I asked my mom if I could get one and she said yes. After picking out the odd ball who no one would pick up I held it for most of that day and loved it to death. :) I love bunnies, one of my favorite animals. Don't have her now though because of moving and all :(. She was kind of mean any way, I think because she was always outside at my dad's for awhile..alone. Poor Daisey.
Yesterday before work I got all of the things together that I wanted to sell and priced them. I still have to grab the last load of clothes I have and put them into the garbage bag I have. Tonight I have to go to my dad's early and I know you won't be happy about that Becky, but it's the only way I can get down there is by leaving tonight. I need to get away from here anyway and take my mind off of it all. I won't be able to talk to Dan for 3 days and it'll definitely be hard but I'll manage. I have my friend and family to talk to when I get there :D. After school I'm finishing up the clothes and going to pack, then I go to work until 10 and leave right after that to my dad's. About over an hour's worth of driving so I might have to bring my iPod. I'm starting to get sick of some of the songs though :\. I hope I make some money. I remember from about one year ago or so, a friend of my step mom brought over a cage full of baby bunnies. I asked my mom if I could get one and she said yes. After picking out the odd ball who no one would pick up I held it for most of that day and loved it to death. :) I love bunnies, one of my favorite animals. Don't have her now though because of moving and all :(. She was kind of mean any way, I think because she was always outside at my dad's for awhile..alone. Poor Daisey.
Provocative,
Wow, I loved that site. It's so awesome. I love all the thoughts that people have posted. But I would rather not post what I'm thinking for everyone to see if it's something I never wanted anyone to know in the first place..you know Becky?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Early Release, WOOO!!
Have you ever heard so many songs that reminded you of that one person? I already have like two songs that remind me of Justin! It's crazy, and they are exactly what it's like for us two. But enough about HIM because he barely talked to me yesterday because he didn't feel like it, he's so selfish. I always feel used by him.. :\ ugh. ANYWAY, hopefully my phone will come in by Friday. If it doesn't then I WILL BE SADDD :( BOO! It's a pretty bomb phone. Not a touch screen but touch screens are annoying and I don't know why.
I'm so glad it's early release day. It like worked out (almost) perfectly. I had to work yesterday until 10, then I work tonight and tomorrow until 10. Then Friday right after school I go to my dad's. Not much time to get anything done so me getting off of school early and having about 3.5 hours to do laundry that I need done and packing up things to sell at the garage sales is (almost) perfect. GAHH, it makes me so happy!! :) Ha ha, I am easily amused and I get happy easily but that almost means I get sad/depressed/angry easily and I don't like that but I'm happy right now and that's all that matters! Maybe I can drive home if Shawn picks me up :D. I like driving but the other drivers just drive me insane sometimes. I've decided not to diet because it always leads to me doing a bad diet, as in only eating like 300-600 calories a day and always thinking about food in a negative way. Definitely not fun and I really don't want to worry about that. I just need to talk to a Nutritionist who can tell me how to eat properly. I hate trying to keep a stupid plan with food. My main problem though is that I just eat too much of the food I'm eating at the time because I love it so much. I don't always do it but I do it more than a normal person should!! Sad times :(.
Well, I'll post next time for an update. Talk to you all later! :)
I'm so glad it's early release day. It like worked out (almost) perfectly. I had to work yesterday until 10, then I work tonight and tomorrow until 10. Then Friday right after school I go to my dad's. Not much time to get anything done so me getting off of school early and having about 3.5 hours to do laundry that I need done and packing up things to sell at the garage sales is (almost) perfect. GAHH, it makes me so happy!! :) Ha ha, I am easily amused and I get happy easily but that almost means I get sad/depressed/angry easily and I don't like that but I'm happy right now and that's all that matters! Maybe I can drive home if Shawn picks me up :D. I like driving but the other drivers just drive me insane sometimes. I've decided not to diet because it always leads to me doing a bad diet, as in only eating like 300-600 calories a day and always thinking about food in a negative way. Definitely not fun and I really don't want to worry about that. I just need to talk to a Nutritionist who can tell me how to eat properly. I hate trying to keep a stupid plan with food. My main problem though is that I just eat too much of the food I'm eating at the time because I love it so much. I don't always do it but I do it more than a normal person should!! Sad times :(.
Well, I'll post next time for an update. Talk to you all later! :)
Blogging Class Assignment 4/29/09
There is someone in my life that is definitely going through a hard time and I can eventually see her life turning out for the better. She's 17 right now and doesn't live at her own home. Her mother is gone and has disowned her. Her father chose his new wife over his own flesh and blood. She doesn't take medication for her bi-polar disorder and she's been close to killing herself so many times, it's scary. I'm not sure if she'll be able to graduate on time but I doubt it. She definitely is the party type and she cares mainly for her boyfriend and friends right now. She really has no one to fall on other than her grandmother and even her grandma needs a break from it all because her husband just recently died, my friend's grandpa. She's been talking about going to a community college to get into a better college and I have faith in her but she needs to talk to someone before she can really get anything together.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named, (insert name here), who lived with her wicked stepmother and evil stepsister. Day in and day out she had to do work for them, getting nothing out of it. Always having to stay home while they went out. Well, one day she couldn't take it any longer and she ran away. She eventually moved in with her angel she called her grandmother. As time went by, her grandmother needed time alone to be able to cope with the fact that her loving husband was gone, so (insert name here) went to live with her wicked stepmother again. It got so bad at the house that she eventually got kicked out and moved in with her friend. As more time went by she started to become sad, missing her dad, so she numbed all of her feelings with alcohol, weed, and burning herself. She knew that she needed to get better and it was only a matter of time. She began to do better in school and is currently trying her hardest to succeed in her life. She knows that the only way you get through things is by trying, not just sitting there and hoping something good will happen.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named, (insert name here), who lived with her wicked stepmother and evil stepsister. Day in and day out she had to do work for them, getting nothing out of it. Always having to stay home while they went out. Well, one day she couldn't take it any longer and she ran away. She eventually moved in with her angel she called her grandmother. As time went by, her grandmother needed time alone to be able to cope with the fact that her loving husband was gone, so (insert name here) went to live with her wicked stepmother again. It got so bad at the house that she eventually got kicked out and moved in with her friend. As more time went by she started to become sad, missing her dad, so she numbed all of her feelings with alcohol, weed, and burning herself. She knew that she needed to get better and it was only a matter of time. She began to do better in school and is currently trying her hardest to succeed in her life. She knows that the only way you get through things is by trying, not just sitting there and hoping something good will happen.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
7 minutes to kill,
and I'm lovin' it, bah bah bah BAH bah! :D
My hands are freezing right now!! Ugh, it's been so cold all day, even with long sleeves on. I didn't get to go out with Justin but it was honestly no big deal which was a huge surprise :). But I'm O.K. yeahyaa. So this weekend is the 85 mile garage sale at my dad's and I took off of work to go. I might bring Jessica but if she can't go then I'll just go all alone :(. But I still have Ashley to hang out with if I don't have Jessie. I have to get all of my stuff together to try and sell which I doubt it'll sell. Well actually, I can't doubt it because I've always been able to sell something at least. I'm so hungry right now :( ugh. I suppose it's time to go. I'll talk to you all laterrrr.
My hands are freezing right now!! Ugh, it's been so cold all day, even with long sleeves on. I didn't get to go out with Justin but it was honestly no big deal which was a huge surprise :). But I'm O.K. yeahyaa. So this weekend is the 85 mile garage sale at my dad's and I took off of work to go. I might bring Jessica but if she can't go then I'll just go all alone :(. But I still have Ashley to hang out with if I don't have Jessie. I have to get all of my stuff together to try and sell which I doubt it'll sell. Well actually, I can't doubt it because I've always been able to sell something at least. I'm so hungry right now :( ugh. I suppose it's time to go. I'll talk to you all laterrrr.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Beauty<3
Beautiful to me is the soul of a good person. Beautiful to me is someone who doesn't try too hard to look the way they do. A person who is beautiful to me is Megan, my best friend. She is a good-hearted person and she has a beautiful soul. Beautiful sounds like my mom on a good day ;), beautiful smells like the fresh morning air on a day that you know is going to be good, beautiful tastes like that first sweet bite of that brownie that you had been waiting for all day and had been craving, heaven. I do believe in inner beauty because I believe that the only kind of beauty in a person is the inner beauty. They just happen to be blessed if they look amazing ;D. It really depends on the person though when it comes to time and getting beautiful. It's however the person chooses to live their lives and how they choose to react to others in certain situations. It's how they choose to see things through their own eyes and mind. You're only beautiful when you are kind to others and yourself. Beautiful is not mean, nor is it angry.
Blogging Class Assignment 4/24/09
How do you think teens are most misunderstood?
What are the best ways to communicate or relate to teens?
What are your best memories from this time of your life?
Adults think that because we are young, that we should just be happy. Exactly why do we have to be happy just because we're young? We are going through a lot and it's irritating when adults expect so much out of us. There is only so much we can take. The way to communicate with one (at least with me) is by listening to me and asking me questions about me but not making it seem like you're just trying to get into my business. Also taking interest in what I like to do instead of telling me that what I like to do or telling me what music, movies I listen to are stupid. It's your opinion, yes, but I really don't care about your opinion on it if your just trying to tell me as if it's some kind of fact when in FACT it's just your opinion. I'd have to say that my best memories are some of the ones with my family and good times with friends, such as Megan. Or when I'm going to the movies with my mom, even though we argue quite a bit. Good memories to me aren't when I get that first kiss because that's not going to matter in the after life. Although happiness does matter to me and if a boy makes me happy then I do notice it.
What are the best ways to communicate or relate to teens?
What are your best memories from this time of your life?
Adults think that because we are young, that we should just be happy. Exactly why do we have to be happy just because we're young? We are going through a lot and it's irritating when adults expect so much out of us. There is only so much we can take. The way to communicate with one (at least with me) is by listening to me and asking me questions about me but not making it seem like you're just trying to get into my business. Also taking interest in what I like to do instead of telling me that what I like to do or telling me what music, movies I listen to are stupid. It's your opinion, yes, but I really don't care about your opinion on it if your just trying to tell me as if it's some kind of fact when in FACT it's just your opinion. I'd have to say that my best memories are some of the ones with my family and good times with friends, such as Megan. Or when I'm going to the movies with my mom, even though we argue quite a bit. Good memories to me aren't when I get that first kiss because that's not going to matter in the after life. Although happiness does matter to me and if a boy makes me happy then I do notice it.
Everything is wayyy too confusing!! >_<
I never thought that I'd have so much to do in this class. It's extremely over whelming and I need A LOT of help. It's really, really, really hard to concentrate on anything when you're depressed and stressed. Taking two math classes is starting to become harder as each day passes and I don't really have the energy. I am and WILL blame most of this on my ex of one year who I dated in 9th grade. He was emotionally abusive and made me feel so crappy. When I was on the phone with him I would literally just sit there and pull hair after hair out. Sometimes I would cry while doing it because I was so depressed and stressed from it all that I didn't know how to handle it all. I skipped school ALL of the time because of my depression and I would cut myself. Now that it's been three years since I've talked to him I'm doing a lot better. I don't cut myself and I don't pull my hair like I used to.
Yesterday, he contacted me through e-mail after all those years and told me he missed me. I told him that I missed him. But after arguing a little again I just told him bye. What's the point? He kept talking about some girl that he really likes right now and exactly why would I want to hear that? What a dumby!! He makes me so mad. Sometimes I wish I could just punch him in his balls. Well that other girl can have him because he doesn't matter to me anymore.
I pulled more hairs again but I controlled it. I can't remember if I mentioned it but if I didn't then I pulled more. But it's not that noticeable thankfully! I feel so ugly because of it. I know I shouldn't and I always tell others with this disorder that you should never feel ugly because beauty is not hair, beauty is personality. But it takes control of me and I can't seem to get away. I feel chained down. I made a video on Trichotillomania that you'll probably have to view at home if you'd like. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sfMBEjY_Do
Just to give you a better idea of it :).
I hope I get my cell phone today! It's been 2 weeks since I've had one and that's wayyyy too long!!! Dan shipped it off Friday, priority mail, and it should be here today or Tuesday. If it's not here today then I'm going to be really mad because it took the guy on eBay almost 2 weeks to ship it!! That is just ridiculous and he's definitely not getting a very positive comment from me. Boo, I'm so hungry! I might eat something small for lunch..I'm trying to lose weight for prom and just for myself. YES, yes, I'm thin and I know I am, but it's just to feel better about myself. Maybe I have a distorted image of myself but it's not as bad as some girls have of themselves in their head. I try not to think so negatively because I know what it does to me so I only make goals that are possible. I try not to be a little whiner though so I'm going to shut up about that :).
I really, really, really don't want to fail this class so I'm really trying hard to make this all work. Geez luh-weez. Who knew blogging class would be so freaking hard. I might see Justin tonight for a little bit but if I don't then oh well. Well, not oh well but I try to just look at it that way because it's honestly not that big of deal. I want to text Megan but I don't have a phone :(. I miss her!!!!
Yesterday, he contacted me through e-mail after all those years and told me he missed me. I told him that I missed him. But after arguing a little again I just told him bye. What's the point? He kept talking about some girl that he really likes right now and exactly why would I want to hear that? What a dumby!! He makes me so mad. Sometimes I wish I could just punch him in his balls. Well that other girl can have him because he doesn't matter to me anymore.
I pulled more hairs again but I controlled it. I can't remember if I mentioned it but if I didn't then I pulled more. But it's not that noticeable thankfully! I feel so ugly because of it. I know I shouldn't and I always tell others with this disorder that you should never feel ugly because beauty is not hair, beauty is personality. But it takes control of me and I can't seem to get away. I feel chained down. I made a video on Trichotillomania that you'll probably have to view at home if you'd like. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sfMBEjY_Do
Just to give you a better idea of it :).
I hope I get my cell phone today! It's been 2 weeks since I've had one and that's wayyyy too long!!! Dan shipped it off Friday, priority mail, and it should be here today or Tuesday. If it's not here today then I'm going to be really mad because it took the guy on eBay almost 2 weeks to ship it!! That is just ridiculous and he's definitely not getting a very positive comment from me. Boo, I'm so hungry! I might eat something small for lunch..I'm trying to lose weight for prom and just for myself. YES, yes, I'm thin and I know I am, but it's just to feel better about myself. Maybe I have a distorted image of myself but it's not as bad as some girls have of themselves in their head. I try not to think so negatively because I know what it does to me so I only make goals that are possible. I try not to be a little whiner though so I'm going to shut up about that :).
I really, really, really don't want to fail this class so I'm really trying hard to make this all work. Geez luh-weez. Who knew blogging class would be so freaking hard. I might see Justin tonight for a little bit but if I don't then oh well. Well, not oh well but I try to just look at it that way because it's honestly not that big of deal. I want to text Megan but I don't have a phone :(. I miss her!!!!
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