Everything is wayyy too confusing!! >_<

I never thought that I'd have so much to do in this class. It's extremely over whelming and I need A LOT of help. It's really, really, really hard to concentrate on anything when you're depressed and stressed. Taking two math classes is starting to become harder as each day passes and I don't really have the energy. I am and WILL blame most of this on my ex of one year who I dated in 9th grade. He was emotionally abusive and made me feel so crappy. When I was on the phone with him I would literally just sit there and pull hair after hair out. Sometimes I would cry while doing it because I was so depressed and stressed from it all that I didn't know how to handle it all. I skipped school ALL of the time because of my depression and I would cut myself. Now that it's been three years since I've talked to him I'm doing a lot better. I don't cut myself and I don't pull my hair like I used to.

Yesterday, he contacted me through e-mail after all those years and told me he missed me. I told him that I missed him. But after arguing a little again I just told him bye. What's the point? He kept talking about some girl that he really likes right now and exactly why would I want to hear that? What a dumby!! He makes me so mad. Sometimes I wish I could just punch him in his balls. Well that other girl can have him because he doesn't matter to me anymore.

I pulled more hairs again but I controlled it. I can't remember if I mentioned it but if I didn't then I pulled more. But it's not that noticeable thankfully! I feel so ugly because of it. I know I shouldn't and I always tell others with this disorder that you should never feel ugly because beauty is not hair, beauty is personality. But it takes control of me and I can't seem to get away. I feel chained down. I made a video on Trichotillomania that you'll probably have to view at home if you'd like. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sfMBEjY_Do
Just to give you a better idea of it :).

I hope I get my cell phone today! It's been 2 weeks since I've had one and that's wayyyy too long!!! Dan shipped it off Friday, priority mail, and it should be here today or Tuesday. If it's not here today then I'm going to be really mad because it took the guy on eBay almost 2 weeks to ship it!! That is just ridiculous and he's definitely not getting a very positive comment from me. Boo, I'm so hungry! I might eat something small for lunch..I'm trying to lose weight for prom and just for myself. YES, yes, I'm thin and I know I am, but it's just to feel better about myself. Maybe I have a distorted image of myself but it's not as bad as some girls have of themselves in their head. I try not to think so negatively because I know what it does to me so I only make goals that are possible. I try not to be a little whiner though so I'm going to shut up about that :).

I really, really, really don't want to fail this class so I'm really trying hard to make this all work. Geez luh-weez. Who knew blogging class would be so freaking hard. I might see Justin tonight for a little bit but if I don't then oh well. Well, not oh well but I try to just look at it that way because it's honestly not that big of deal. I want to text Megan but I don't have a phone :(. I miss her!!!!