Another dayyy,

So right now I'm just sitting here, REALLY hungry. Last night I hung out with Justin and it was amazingggg!! I had so much fun. Hanging out with him makes me so happy. Then I went home and texted him a little bit more and I went to sleep at like 1:30 so I'm really tired. Him and I are going on a road trip in June hopefully and many more things, HOPEFULLY. I'm really craving some KFC :), mmm, it's so yummy it makes me so happy ahaha. I hate how really fatty foods are so good. I worry too much though and it really bothers me. It's such a struggle every day to be positive and it should be easy but it's not. I'm exhausted by the end of the day sometimes. What is the point of trying to be happy and not think so negatively when by the end of the day I'm exhausted from it? That's really not normal.

Have you ever felt lonely? Not maybe for a day but no matter who you hung out with or were by, you felt lonely. This is what happened to me last year for a few months or more. I can't exactly remember. I felt so lonely that life didn't even matter to me and the feeling slowly started to fade after what felt like years and years. I had never felt such a horrible feeling other than guilt. Which reminds me, I've been feeling sooooo guilty about my hair from the last time that I told you about how I pulled. I still feel extremely guilty off and on. I feel as guilty as someone would who stole from their own church and they were christian. It's such an over whelming feeling and it really hurts. I haven't pulled since but for some reason I keep thinking about when I did pull. The thing is, it's not like it's noticeable and I haven't been pulling more. It only happened two times and I usually don't feel this bad. I'm usually able to tell myself that it's O.K. and I usually am. But it's really bad this time. The feeling is slowly going away but it's still here off and on. I'm just really glad I can at least smile and laugh everyday. I'm also glad I can see the good in things and that I'm not really negative because of this disorder.

Also, thinking about Jason just makes me feel blahhhh. Jason is someone that I loved/love since I was 13. But he has had 3 girlfriends since I've known him and he is currently on his 3rd one. He was my first love and it's hard. I don't really talk to him anymore but it hurts to know that he's with another girl when I know that no girl could love him more than I do, you know? When you love someone as much as you do and he's with someone else you know that they can't love him as much as you did but you want her to love him as much as you did so he'll be happy. Yeah, it's all really confusing. But I'm happy to say that I'm a lot better than I used to be. I don't think about him as much and him just being able to not talk to me and act like nothing happened because he found a new girl has made me mad so it's easier to just look at it all like it's for the better. I'm talking too much so I'm going to go. Class is about done.